Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Back at it.

I wonder how long I can do this. Up every hour, maybe two, through the night. The squeaky glider. Closing the door behind me, then opening to double check on her.

I’m tired. I know that parents are supposed to be tired, but McKinley just doesn’t sleep well alone. Some nights she ends up in our bed. Ok, most nights.

I won’t let her cry, even if everyone says she’s playing me. I did for one night, and yes, after 7 minutes she went back to sleep. But until she can tell me what her cries mean, why should I ignore them? Maybe she has nightmares. Maybe her mattress is uncomfortable. Maybe she has a belly ache. I don’t like to sleep alone, so I’m not sure why I make her.

The monitor lights up, I hear her little cry. Grab my glasses and my phone (Thank you, God, for smart phones), and I rescue her. When she cries out, I come to her. Gosh, I’m thankful to know what that feels like.

The days (and nights) are so long. But the years. They are flying by. Soon, this will be a memory. And as odd as it sounds, I don’t want to forget.


Jennifer said...

You are a fabulous mother and a terrific person. She will not be little forever. You are right. In a blink of an eye she will be almost 12, cheering and jumping around. Love you!

Gillie said...

I know McK is not an infant but this is a great article.

~Mendie~ said...

Yay! I'm so glad to see that you are going to be writing again.

Its hard trying to find the time to fit it in, but I know its a great way to keep track of all those little moments that fill your heart with happiness.

Welcome back friend!

Erin said...

The tired is hard. I know this. I thought of you last night when I was up rocking Tommy at 1:30. You're supposed to be tired when you have a newborn, but no one tells you that it can extend into toddlerhood and beyond.
You're right, though. The years are short. I always tell myself that as hard as it is, as much as I long for straight up SLEEP, someday, I'll be sleeping through the night all night, every night, and I'll miss tha tlittle voice that says, "Hi mama, you rockin' me" in the middle of the night.