Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mother's Day.

The funny thing about saying that I didn't want to feel like I had to blog is that now I really want to. But I still don't feel like I have a lot to say.

Mother's Day is this coming Sunday (you knew that already, I'm pretty sure). It is my first Mother's Day, as I was not yet pregnant last year (but it was right around the corner!). It will be spent with my husband, and our daughter, and even though it is not the celebration I envisioned last July, it is perfect and it is perfectly what I need.

But here's the thing - I know I am so lucky, so blessed. I don't take for granted one single kick, or hip pain, or sleepless night, or leg cramp. Because I yearned for this, and now I have it, and soon, SOON, I will have my baby and oh man, I am scared to death, but I am so blessed. And I could say something about how "I hope you have a great day!" on Mother's Day, but I'm not going to pretend that it will be that way.

And I'm so sorry.

I hate the loss that so many mother's know. I don't understand a lot of it, and I would never pretend to. But that doesn't make me not hate it. I hate that I have so many wonderful, amazing friends whose babies are not with them this year. I HATE IT.

This post is not colorful or sweet and I can't think of a transition to get there. Please just know that this year, I will be thinking of all of us, the mother's without our babies. Mothers who've never known their babies, and mothers who said goodbye to their babies entirely too soon. It's not fair and I hate it, but I love you. And I will be thinking of you. And in honor of you, I will love my own mother, and never, ever take for granted the life growing inside me.

**I am so incredibly fortunate to have a mother who loves me and spoils me rotten, even at 28-years-old. She is caring and funny and kind, and she knows this loss too. I hope she has the most amazing Mother's Day, even though I can't be with her. I love you, momma.

7 comments:

Kristine said...

You are so compassionate to think of others, like me, when you should just be through the moon with joy. Thank you for remembering us. I wrote a kind of similar post tonight. Must have been the night for them. And, I can attest, your mom ROCKS!!!

Hyacynth said...

My heart hurts for the beautiful women I know who won't spend mother' day with their babies. That pain has to be so intense. I cannot imagine.
You have such a loving heart , by the way. Did I tell you that ever? Because you do. Tiny Dancer is blessed to have such a compassionate mom.

Heidi said...

i'm here from kell's blog because i liked your sweet comment. your post is so thoughtful and i'm sure appreciated. happy mama's day!

Mrs Soup said...

You are always thinking of others. You have such a beautiful beautiful heart.

~Mendie~ said...

you are already a wonderful loving momma...and I as sorry that so many amazing women have had to say goodbye to their babies soon. That scares the bejeezes out of me.

Hugs Natalie.

Plaidy said...

I know what you mean about being so thankful but also wanting to be so careful of the hearts of others. I haven't been talking a lot about Mother's Day on my twitter or blog because of all the women I adore still waiting. It's a tough position.

Anna-Marie Still said...

thank you for your post. I spent last night in the ER suffering through my loss. I blogged about it http://www.annamariestill.com if you want to read about it and add me to your circle. Now I'm home and tired, but uplifted by your words. Thank you for your thoughts.