The funny thing about saying that I didn't want to feel like I had to blog is that now I really want to. But I still don't feel like I have a lot to say.
Mother's Day is this coming Sunday (you knew that already, I'm pretty sure). It is my first Mother's Day, as I was not yet pregnant last year (but it was right around the corner!). It will be spent with my husband, and our daughter, and even though it is not the celebration I envisioned last July, it is perfect and it is perfectly what I need.
But here's the thing - I know I am so lucky, so blessed. I don't take for granted one single kick, or hip pain, or sleepless night, or leg cramp. Because I yearned for this, and now I have it, and soon, SOON, I will have my baby and oh man, I am scared to death, but I am so blessed. And I could say something about how "I hope you have a great day!" on Mother's Day, but I'm not going to pretend that it will be that way.
And I'm so sorry.
I hate the loss that so many mother's know. I don't understand a lot of it, and I would never pretend to. But that doesn't make me not hate it. I hate that I have so many wonderful, amazing friends whose babies are not with them this year. I HATE IT.
This post is not colorful or sweet and I can't think of a transition to get there. Please just know that this year, I will be thinking of all of us, the mother's without our babies. Mothers who've never known their babies, and mothers who said goodbye to their babies entirely too soon. It's not fair and I hate it, but I love you. And I will be thinking of you. And in honor of you, I will love my own mother, and never, ever take for granted the life growing inside me.
**I am so incredibly fortunate to have a mother who loves me and spoils me rotten, even at 28-years-old. She is caring and funny and kind, and she knows this loss too. I hope she has the most amazing Mother's Day, even though I can't be with her. I love you, momma.