Saturday, February 6, 2010

Each Day

I don't know that I will ever feel confident with this pregnancy. I am scared. I am not scared to admit this to you.

I'm afraid to buy maternity clothes, because what if I don't need them?

I'm afraid to buy baby items, because what if I don't need them?

We're afraid to talk about names, because what if we never get to use it?

I know that this fear is common after suffering a miscarriage, but I also know that this fear is not Godly. I know that God determined this day hundreds of years ago. He knew whether I would be pregnant or not, and He knows how this pregnancy will go.

But trusting Him is hard.

I know that it is worth it, and that I will be rewarded for my obedience, but oh, it is so hard.

Oh, sweet tiny dancer, we love you so, so much.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't let the fear take away the amazing moments of your pregnancy. You can only take it one day at a time and God is always by your side. He will guide you. You are amazing and will be an amazing mother.

Bacardi Mama said...

I remember feeling the same way after my miscarriage. I can only tell you that I went on to have four beautiful healthy daughters. You have to trust that God knows what He is doing. I will keep you in my prayers.

walkonthechildside said...

Totally understand Natalie. I didn't let myself get excited AT ALL until after our 19 week appointment. Royce's family had a surprise shower for us before that, and I remember sitting there, opening presents and thinking to myself, "It's going to be really sad if (when) we have to return all these gifts." It was awful.

After I started to feel her move pretty regularly and found out that she was a she, it got a lot better. Although I still felt scared every time we went to the doctor to hear her heartbeat. All that to say, you're so normal.

Amaprincess said...

aww this post gave me chills! I wish the best for you during this pregnancy and will be praying for you that you have a healthy pregnancy and delivery! This is it mama! Enjoy it!

Kristine said...

I love that you call baby tiny dancer. That's so sweet. So many of us are by your side. You're doing great Momma. Of course, anything you feel is normal. A great big ole hug.

Michele said...

Trusting is hard. All that I can say is that, at some point, even with the fear, you just have to let go and let God. I was afraid every single time and it hurt with every loss, but I am so grateful we named our babies and, the ones that we were able to deliver, spent the time we had with them without fear. You can do this... I know you can!

Jessica said...

Very true. Sometimes it surprises me how quickly the pain of a miscarriage can come back. Trusting was very hard in my second pregnancy, but I kept having to remind myself "God is good all the time."

Not always easy, but it's true.