Saturday, February 6, 2010

Each Day

I don't know that I will ever feel confident with this pregnancy. I am scared. I am not scared to admit this to you.

I'm afraid to buy maternity clothes, because what if I don't need them?

I'm afraid to buy baby items, because what if I don't need them?

We're afraid to talk about names, because what if we never get to use it?

I know that this fear is common after suffering a miscarriage, but I also know that this fear is not Godly. I know that God determined this day hundreds of years ago. He knew whether I would be pregnant or not, and He knows how this pregnancy will go.

But trusting Him is hard.

I know that it is worth it, and that I will be rewarded for my obedience, but oh, it is so hard.

Oh, sweet tiny dancer, we love you so, so much.


Anonymous said...

Don't let the fear take away the amazing moments of your pregnancy. You can only take it one day at a time and God is always by your side. He will guide you. You are amazing and will be an amazing mother.

Bacardi Mama said...

I remember feeling the same way after my miscarriage. I can only tell you that I went on to have four beautiful healthy daughters. You have to trust that God knows what He is doing. I will keep you in my prayers.

walkonthechildside said...

Totally understand Natalie. I didn't let myself get excited AT ALL until after our 19 week appointment. Royce's family had a surprise shower for us before that, and I remember sitting there, opening presents and thinking to myself, "It's going to be really sad if (when) we have to return all these gifts." It was awful.

After I started to feel her move pretty regularly and found out that she was a she, it got a lot better. Although I still felt scared every time we went to the doctor to hear her heartbeat. All that to say, you're so normal.

Amaprincess said...

aww this post gave me chills! I wish the best for you during this pregnancy and will be praying for you that you have a healthy pregnancy and delivery! This is it mama! Enjoy it!

Kristine said...

I love that you call baby tiny dancer. That's so sweet. So many of us are by your side. You're doing great Momma. Of course, anything you feel is normal. A great big ole hug.

Michele said...

Trusting is hard. All that I can say is that, at some point, even with the fear, you just have to let go and let God. I was afraid every single time and it hurt with every loss, but I am so grateful we named our babies and, the ones that we were able to deliver, spent the time we had with them without fear. You can do this... I know you can!

Jessica said...

Very true. Sometimes it surprises me how quickly the pain of a miscarriage can come back. Trusting was very hard in my second pregnancy, but I kept having to remind myself "God is good all the time."

Not always easy, but it's true.