Tuesday, September 29, 2009

No Turning Back

I've been feeling good lately.


Yes, good.

Trust me, it is unreal to me most days, this peace that overwhelms me. But it is not easy. I worry that once I say "I'm good, thank you", I won't be able to go back to "I'm okay today" or "I'm having a hard day".

I know these things are not true. I know that it's okay to take a step back. But I'm afraid that once I say things are good, I'm good, people will forget. And think it's okay for us all to just move right along and pretend nothing ever happened. And not understand the next time I have a hard day (and I know that day will come).

I want to feel good. I've prayed to feel peace and I know you've prayed for it also. Thank you.

Promise me that you'll understand one good day doesn't mean another. And that feeling "good" doesn't take away the bad. Promise me that when I say things are good, you won't forget.

I'm so scared you'll forget.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Mummy Deals!


My friend Clair runs a very informative website on saving money! Whether you want to save so that you can quit your job to stay home with the kids, save for a vacation, or just have more shoes, Clair's shopping tips can help!

She doesn't expect you to take hours a week clipping coupons, so she links to the best deals around! I have saved a considerable amount of money this year on body products, make-up, and items for around the house. By combining coupons and store deals, I managed to pick up 4 bottles of name brand body soap for $.27 each in 2 shopping trips taking a total of 10 minutes! That's a HUGE deal!

Clair is starting a video series called "How to slash your grocery bill" and I encourgage you to check out her site. The best way to benefit from her program is to sign up for her email update. (She sends out one email a day highlighting all of the deals on her blog, and she doesn't send spam.) At the end of the series, she will be having giveaways that you DO NOT want to miss!

So, what are you waiting for? Go to Clair's site, Mummy Deals, and sign up for her email update. Then send her an email and tell her I sent you! You'll be glad you did!

Thursday, September 24, 2009


The wonderful gals over at Conceive have been so patient with me as I figure out the direction to take my blog, The Lost Stork. They have offered support and encouragement which is so appreciated.

I posted there today, and hopefully will get back in the swing of things soon!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Never the same, but yes.

In this club, the membership eligibilty is loss and no one wants in. But here we are.

Our stories are similar, but not the same. Never the same. It was my first baby, my mother's third and fifth, my grandma's fourth. Never the same.

I was nearly 11 weeks, she was further. She held her baby, and then released him to Jesus.

Never the same.

There is a loss that brings old friends together. A loss that brings new friends into our lives.

But the ties that bind are strong. There is compassion and love and immediate friendship. A connection beyond ourselves, and we know who brings us together. Our Angels bring us together.

A shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. A friend to call on in the darkness. She has been there, He understands, They know. Our stories are never the same, but yes. They are so much alike.

Longing, then loss. Grief and coping. Living, despite the pain.

We are united, and together we stand.

*Should you be here today because you too are a member of this club, I am so sorry. You are always welcome here, please email me if you'd like to talk.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Weekend Pt. 1

This weekend, I had lots of fun and lots of opportunities to take some photos. On Friday night, Dory danced at the local high school football game. I don't really do well with action shots, so you can't see them.

On Saturday morning, I went to Crush's soccer game. I took my camera, but please refer to paragraph one.

Dory and I spent a couple hours together, taking pictures and laughing about things that are funny to a 9 year-old. We had such a sweet time together.

We went to a nearby park, and saw lots of amazing flowers, which I had to capture.

And then we saw a butterfly.

After the awful dreams I've been having, I needed that butterfly.
Oh, I needed that butterfly.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I have a scanner! WHO KNEW??

I don't know where to take this post, but wanted to post pictures. Well, because I have a scanner and I just learned how to use it! TECHNOLOGY!

Gosh, it was good to be a Toledo Rocket!

Is that a child's hair tie you're wearing? Why, YES, it is! Thank you for noticing!

Oh, and, are you wearing a sweatshirt around your waist?

Yes! I am! Good observation!

(Currently looking for waist. If anyone finds it, let me know)

Oh, hai. It was wear "different shades of blue" day.

No. It wasn't. I lied.
Also, my roommate is wearing a coat, gloves, and a hat, AND carrying a blanket (??) and I'm wearing two shirts. I have thick blood.

No. I don't. I'm lying again.

I was trying to be fashionable and couldn't mess it up with a coat (HA).

The next week, I nearly died from what they called a "cold", but I think it was more like the swine flu and they just hadn't thought of the name yet.

Not surprisingly, these girls called me "Casper" and even scratched out the label on my make-up (Ivory) and wrote over it (Dead). Yes. At church camp.

Just you wait. Next week, I'll scan in pictures from HIGH SCHOOL. YEEEEEE!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I want you to meet Sara. She lost her little boy, Joel, in June 2009. She has been an incredible encouragement to me these past few weeks.

And I want you to read her post titled Translation. Because I couldn't have said it better myself. Her words are so accurate. So painfully beautiful. So....perfect.

Please send her support and love.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Where Were YOU When the World Stopped Turning?

It was a Tuesday that started like any other. I jumped out of my top bunk and hurried off to class, making small talk with my roommate of just two weeks.
I arrived to class early, as all good students do, and took my seat. Sociology 101. A kid who hadn't been on time yet that semester, walked in about 10 minutes late and sat beside me. He turned around and said something to the student behind him about an airplane hitting a building in New York. How crazy.
I left class, and made the journey across campus to the Center for Performing Arts to attend my Women's Choir class. It seemed like every student I passed was on their cell phone. When I entered the CPA, there were students gathered around a television in the lobby. Some of them were crying, some were staring blankly. I remember vividly that no one was talking. I didn't dare ask what was happening, but walked to my classroom and waited to be told. I don't remember feeling anything at this point, because I just didn't know what was going on.
When I left class, the campus was eerily quiet. Lots of students were still on their cell phones, classes had been cancelled for the rest of the day, and the Student Union was shutting down. I walked back across campus to my dorm, and walked up to the elevator. When the elevator doors opened to take me to the 13th floor, there stood a lone young man, a college freshman. He was wearing his uniform, and he looked brave. I asked him where he was going, and he replied "I don't know, but they told me to come".
My heart dropped. Just as it has done again, recalling the look on his face. A look that said "I will do what I have to so that you are safe tonight". I felt safe just encountering him.
The elevator could not get to my floor fast enough. I walked down the hallway, past one open door after another. Some rooms had gathered many students, other rooms were nearly empty.
My roommate was in our room, and when I walked in, we bearly spoke to each other, but I know I felt connected to her. Our Nation had just experienced a tragedy, and we were in it together. We joined other friends in a room across campus, where we watched the events 9/11 unfold, prayed, and contacted our families. We had hardly known each other, and yet, we were united. All Americans were united.
There was a prayer vigil organized and students of all religions joined together in the middle of the campus to cry out to God, asking why and how and pleading for safety.
The rest of the week was a complete blur. I don't remember when classes started again, I don't remember watching anything else on television. I don't remember what I was wearing. But I know where I was, and who I was with. And I remember how I felt.
I felt pride that our country stood together. I felt complete sadness that so many people lost their lives. Heartbroken that wives went to bed without their husbands, children without their mothers, parents without their children. Civilians, Military Men and Women, the Men and Women of the New York Fire and Police Departments, all answered the call, to defend freedom, and protect lives.
And today, I feel pride. Pride for My Country. Pride for My Brother, My Uncle, My Brother-in-law, who have all served in Operation Freedom. Many others like them, who put on their brave face, and served. Away from their families, away from a comfortable bed, air conditioning, the security of sleeping at night. They missed Christmases, Birthday's, Weddings. They missed milestones in their children's lives, celebrating anniversaries with their spouses.
I cannot express my gratitude. I have no words for the way I feel. My heart is overflowing with appreciation for the sacrifices made for my safety! My heart overflows with pride that people I love are brave and selfless!
They sacrifice for me. And for you. And for us. And they are the reason I can sleep tonight, knowing well that I live in the best country in the world.
"I have answered my nation's call.
I am a warrior.
I defend my country with my life.
I will not falter.
I will not fail."
(I thought long and hard about posting pictures of my family and friends in the military here, but am so concerned with their protection. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Thank you for sending your pictures to me. )
I would love to hear where you were on 9/11/01, or if you have loved ones in the military. I think it is crucial that we always remember.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


The contest is over and the winners are Lissa and Bacardi Mama!

And this very short, very boring post is over.


Sunday, September 6, 2009

Unlikely Friendship

Jessica and I's friendship probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people. I dated her husband. No, not like that.

Back in 2004, I was introduced to a guy named Ryan. We began dating, long-distance, and broke up just a few short weeks later. It just wasn't meant to be.

Shortly after, Ryan began dating Jes. She came to work at the company we both work for, and we began a friendship. Aaron came to work for our company soon after, and then we were married and the four of us were friends and we fast forward a bit to the summer of 2008.

Just weeks before her wedding to Ryan, Jessica learned she has suffered a miscarriage. She hadn't known that she was pregnant, but this news was devastating to her. She'd been told years ago that she may not be able to have children. To know that she had conceived, and then miscarried, was a heartbreaking loss.

When I announced my pregnancy, Jes was one of the first to tell me how excited she was for me, and how she would pray that things would go well for us. After announcing the miscarriage, Jes would send text messages out of the blue to say "hi" and see how I was doing.

And then she announced her pregnancy. And I couldn't have been happier for her! Truly, I have nothing but love and best wishes for her. Just because I'm not pregnant doesn't mean other women shouldn't be! (She's currently almost 8 weeks along!)

Anyhow, last week Jessica asked me if I would like her to come over and plant a flower in memory of the baby. I am not an outdoorsy girl, and have a hard time keeping plants alive (which she is well aware of), but Jes is a pro. She stopped by with a mum, one of my favorite plants because it mean's Fall, and got to work.

Then she pulled three stones out of her purse. Stones from her house, that she had painted for me.

She painted the "remembrance" and "love" stones to be placed by the flower.

She painted the "trust" stone for me to hold onto. To trust the Lord, to trust myself, to trust that one day, it will all make sense. It sits in a special place in our house, where I see it many times a day. It reminds me not only of trust, but of friendship.

A friendship that was unlikely, and yet, perfect.