No nerves. This is an odd feeling for me, to have to go to the doctor and have tests done and things frozen and be partially naked in a room with a mirror (WTH?), and not be nervous.
But after the year I’ve had, it’s the new normal for me.
Back in May, I had a procedure done that involved partial nakedness and scraping and other things that scared me. And I thought I might have cervical cancer.
I was nervous on my way to that appointment. I cried and I was shaking and I felt like I was going to throw up. But it ended up being okay.
And then I had to drive back to that office again in July, and had an ultrasound that confirmed my worst fear. The drive there was filled with tears, and shaking, and feeling like I was going to vomit. And when I left that office knowing that I had lost my baby, I couldn’t imagine ever being that scared again. I couldn’t think that driving there would ever feel quite as terrible as that day.
But that day was also filled with prayer. And it changed the course of the day. I prayed, WE PRAYED, and it was okay. It wasn’t good, but it was okay.
And so tomorrow I will have another procedure done. I am not scared, because I will pray. I’m sure I will have butterflies, and probably feel a little bit sick to my stomach. But I know that no matter the outcome, it will be okay. It might not be good, but it will be okay.
(I’m not doctor, but my mom’s a nurse. That doesn’t really have anything to do with this, but my best attempt at the medical explanation of this is over at my Conceive blog.)