Thursday, August 13, 2009

Missed Appointments

My mom always said "everything happens for a reason". After she had her first miscarriage in 1991, she believed it happened for a reason. Shortly after, she became pregnant with my sister Payton Ruth. We would have loved that baby that she lost, but that Payton Ruth, she is my girl. My best girlfriend. My baby sister.

Everything happens for a reason.

The week before BlogHer, I finally had the pleasure of meeting Clair, who I had been communicating with online since January. We met for dinner, and she hugged me when she walked in the door. People, this is HUGE. She admits to not being a "hugger" but said that I looked "huggable".

We talked like friends who had known each other for years. During dinner, Clair invited me to go with her to BlogHer a day early, to stay in the squishy hotel beds, and go to dinner as part of the What Women Want Ford Event.

I told her I wasn't sure if I would be able to change my doctor's appointment that was scheduled for Thursday morning, and I didn't know if I could arrange the dog to be at the pet hotel a day early. Things worked out. Duke went to the pet hotel on Wednesday and my OB appointment was changed to the following week. The week after BlogHer.

The week of the miscarriage.

I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I would have kept my appointment on Thursday, and gone to the doctor, only to find that there was no heartbeat. My husband was away visiting family and wouldn't have been with me at the doctor that day, and I'm sure I wouldn't have attended BlogHer. I wouldn't have met amazing new people like Amanda and Cassie and Casey and Jenny. I wouldn't have spent time with already amazing friends like Corrin, Toni, and Jen. BlogHer really was a great time. A great time that I might have missed if I'd gone to the appointment on Thursday and found out something was wrong.

I didn't go to the appointment.

Everything happens for a reason.


Payton Ruth said...

I love you. You are my best friend.

Elaine A. said...

I'm glad you went to BlogHer and were able to meet and see these wonderful people.

Praying for you...

Adventures In Babywearing said...

This is a chilling way to look at it, Natalie. I can't wait to see you tonight.

PS My middle name is Ruth!


Erin said...

I hesitate to say that this is beautiful, because I know there's been nothing beautiful about your experience. But in a way it is, because you had those last few moments to be you and enjoy yourself, and I think someone knew you needed those memories.
Can't wait to hug you tonight.

Kaitlin Johnston said...

i say that all the time, and sometimes it is difficult to believe .. but it could not be more true ! i am glad things seem to be looking up ! i am still praying for you .. and i love you :)

Michele said...

I try to remember that, too.

Erin said...

p.s. I can't imagine someone not being a hugger. PREPARE TO GET HUGGED HARDCORE TONIGHT.

cassie said...

You made me tear up! I hope you are doing good! LOVE YOU! *hugs*

Christy M. said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, but so glad you were able to meet so many wonderful people at Blogher. I'm sorry I missed you, because I was there, too. :(

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Mom of Three said...

We never know in what way God is steering us, but He doesn't give us more than we can bear as long as we keep our eyes on him.

I can't imagine going through something like that alone, and I sure am glad you have the love and support of those caring moms and fellow bloggers that you've met. I don't know why you did have to go through this, but you will be stronger for it.

My thoughts are with you.
Heard about you from I should be folding laundry

Julia said...

I found your blog from Beth's "I Should be Folding Laundry". I can completely understand what you are going through. I lost my fourth child, a son, in April. I was almost 18 weeks along. I have found several blogs and websites to be a great help in getting through everyday, as well as journaling on my blog. Know that I'm thinking of you today. Please feel free to email me if you need anything.


Rebecca D. said...

Beth from "I Should Be Folding Laundry" sent me over. (along with all her wonderful readers.) Your post made me cry...thank you. I have been there and the truth of your words touched me. Thank you. I will pray for you.