Wednesday, April 29, 2009

National Infertility Awareness Week. Cool.

I know we haven’t been trying that long. I know that there are people out there who have been trying for weeks and months and years longer than we have. It doesn’t help though. When your only desire is to be a mother, and it’s the only thing you can’t have, it doesn’t help to know you’re not alone.

When I was 19, I started babysitting for a precious 6 week old named Addison. Her parents trusted me to take care of her, and I treated her like she was my own daughter. I would bring my homework to do while she was sleeping, but I never got anything accomplished because when she would finally fall asleep, I would just watch her. I thought she was an incredible miracle, and I wanted to take it all in. When she cried, I consoled her. When she had accidents, I bathed her. When she grew and started to crawl, I chased her around the house. She was my little baby, and for 28 hours a week, I got to play mom. I loved every minute of it, and when I moved away for college, leaving her was almost as hard as leaving the rest of my family.

I have a yearning deep within to nurse, cloth diaper, and make my own baby food. I long to be the one to dry the tears, bandage the boo-boos, and monitor the phone calls; the bad guy who turns off the light for bed time, makes my child eat their veggies, and doesn’t let my daughter leave the house in that outfit. I want to be the mother my own mother was to me.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and I am happy to share this video with you, even though it brings me to tears every time I watch it.



To the women who have gone before me and are struggling currently, crying through the fertility treatments, being devastated with the absence of lines on the pregnancy test, dealing with the questions of “when are you going to have a baby?”, truly, my thoughts are with you.

*Also posted at my blog over here, at conceiveonline.com. Stop by and visit us there, to get information and support regarding fertility.

12 comments:

Allyson said...

Natalie,

I've been reluctant to comment on your fertility posts. I assume someone in your position who is trying so hard to get pregnant wouldn't want to hear from a woman with 5 children.

The truth is with these 5 children have also come 4 other miscarriages. Each heartbreaking each just as wanted a pregnancy as the others.

I truly can't imagine the pain your feeling. I believe it will happen for you. :) Probably when you least expect it! Soon I'll be coming over to do maternity pictures for you!

If you ever want to talk you know where to find me.

Love ya
Ally

Jennifer said...

Oh my! The tears just stream down my face as I read/watched. Thanks for sharing!

corrin said...

Don't diminish your experience just because there are people out there that may have tried longer and harder!

Aunt Jackie said...

Remember Nat- God has his hands wrapped around your life and he knows when it is the right time. Just be still and listen. Obviously there are those of us who also cannot wait for you to bed a mommy!! That will make me a God Granny!! I am trying to for once in my life be still and listen about this job situation. I love you! AJ#1

Aunt Jackie said...

LOL Not bed *BE*

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I don't think my comment posted earlier! Natalie, you are precious. Love the new look, too.

Steph

Jess :) said...

Oh, I am sooooo with you sister. I want, MORE THAN ANYTHING, to be a mom, as well. However, I am pretty sure that I need a husband before that can happen...at least that's what my beliefs are...so right now ~ my prayer is for a Godly husband. :)

I saw that video on Kelly's blog last night and was so incredibly touched. I couldn't help but read each one of those signs and have some sort of intense emotion.

Anyways, just wanted you to know that I'll be praying for you and know that the Lord has a plan for you!

Blessings and hugs,
Jess :)

Nathan and Nikki Hillery said...

I firmly believe that God would not make it the desire of your heart to be a mother if it wasn't part of his plan. I pray that God gives you patience as you wait for His perfect timing. You're going to be a great mother, there's no doubt to that. For now, just enjoy the trying! :)

Erin said...

Like Allyson, I'm always reluctant to comment becuase I can't imagine the pain you're feeling... and I'm also sure you don't want to hear from someone who has one child and another on the way. But I do want you to know that I hope your turn comes soon, and I'm sure it will--like she said, when you least expect it!

hadassahrose said...

Lovely video - my eyes were filled with tears watching it. My biggest dream in life is to one day be a mom, I can't imagine what you must be feeling.

My prayers are with you.

Mimi's Toes said...

I love this song. I have never heard of this artist before. I hope and pray that you will get that happy news you are waiting on. It will happen!

Mommy In Pink said...

I truly wish you the best during this time.

Before I had my daughter, I had a terribly painful miscarriage at home and thought I would never recover emotionally. Your time will come. I'll pray for you!

Btw...it was great meeting you in person! Take care.

Kristy