I know we haven’t been trying that long. I know that there are people out there who have been trying for weeks and months and years longer than we have. It doesn’t help though. When your only desire is to be a mother, and it’s the only thing you can’t have, it doesn’t help to know you’re not alone.
When I was 19, I started babysitting for a precious 6 week old named Addison. Her parents trusted me to take care of her, and I treated her like she was my own daughter. I would bring my homework to do while she was sleeping, but I never got anything accomplished because when she would finally fall asleep, I would just watch her. I thought she was an incredible miracle, and I wanted to take it all in. When she cried, I consoled her. When she had accidents, I bathed her. When she grew and started to crawl, I chased her around the house. She was my little baby, and for 28 hours a week, I got to play mom. I loved every minute of it, and when I moved away for college, leaving her was almost as hard as leaving the rest of my family.
I have a yearning deep within to nurse, cloth diaper, and make my own baby food. I long to be the one to dry the tears, bandage the boo-boos, and monitor the phone calls; the bad guy who turns off the light for bed time, makes my child eat their veggies, and doesn’t let my daughter leave the house in that outfit. I want to be the mother my own mother was to me.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and I am happy to share this video with you, even though it brings me to tears every time I watch it.
To the women who have gone before me and are struggling currently, crying through the fertility treatments, being devastated with the absence of lines on the pregnancy test, dealing with the questions of “when are you going to have a baby?”, truly, my thoughts are with you.
*Also posted at my blog over here, at conceiveonline.com. Stop by and visit us there, to get information and support regarding fertility.